Jesse Browning may be a star on the History Channel’s “Ax Men” reality show, but he sure as fuck isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. The famous logger’s love for dangerous dogs has delivered a fatal blow to his family.

Browning lost his 4-year-old stepdaughter on Feb. 28 when she was mauled to death by his pet rottweiler Cornelia, a 3-year-old, 80-pound female, at their home in Astoria, Oregon.

Criminal charges were not filed against Browning, but Cornelia and a 17-month-old, 104-pound rottie named Junior were euthanized following a three week investigation.

Clatsop County Sheriff Tom Bergin said:

We couldn’t absolutely say [Junior] hadn’t been involved, so for the family and local rules and state rules everybody just figured that would be the best thing [safetywise] to do, so both were put down.

This isn’t the first time one of Brownings dogs has attacked someone. Four months ago, another of his rottweilers attacked a family member and was also put down. Time to get a cat, genius.

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Animals Hate Us would like to salute recording artist Kelis for standing up to the enemy conspirators at PETA. When the organization’s founder Ingrid Newkirk  fired off a letter to Kelis demanding that she stop wearing fur, the fiery pop star lashed back with a statement on her MySpace blog.

Kelis writes:

If I started wearing endangered animals like polar bear or orangutan then talk to me. (Which btw for the record I would not – I do believe in the preservation of endangered species) But the minks and chinchilla that quite honestly are rodents and if weren’t in the form of a coat I would demand they be put to death anyway are not an issue to me.

Underpaid minorities picking your vegetables, now that’s fine for you right? Please, fight for their rights. How about the poverty in the communities of brown people around the world. She had the nerve to say (and I quote) “get over it” talking of the issue of black people and slavery in this country verses cows being slaughtered… Actually, she’s lucky most black people have real issues to worry about in the U.S and don’t give a crap what her delusional privileged opinions are.

If u want to preach do it about something worthwhile don’t waste my time trying to save the dang chipmunk.

Bravo, Kelis. Remember, folks, the only good animals are on your grill or draped over your body.

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Twilight star Christian Serratos is the latest misguided Hollywood actress to go nude for PETA’s ongoing “I’d Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur” campaign. Now, I enjoy masturbating looking at the 19-year-old’s tush as much as the next guy, but I fear her naivete is going to cause  many of her young  fans to catch a cold or, at least, a very bad chill.

Animal fur keeps our bodies warm and our circulation pumping. During extreme weather conditions, an animal’s thick coat can save a person from getting hypothermia. In fact, that’s how Han Solo rescued Luke Skywalker in The Empire Strikes Back–by slitting open a Tauntaun and taking refuge inside of it.

I respect Serratos for encouraging young girls to get naked for any stupid reason, but I can’t support her belief that animals should be spared from their duty to feed and clothe us. And, let’s not forget, animals hate us and want to kill us. It may be fashionable to say “I’d rather go naked than wear fur,” but I would ask Serratos and her Hollywood ilk: would you rather go faceless than wear fur?

"I'd rather have a face."

Charla Nash (pictured above) had her face and hands ripped off by a chimp that her friend and boss kept as a family pet. It seems that the cuter the animal is the more people fail to see its killer instinct.  Celebrities like Serrantos and glamor model Keeley Hazell would have you believe that furry animals are victims of our vanity. But, that’s not the case. Today, it’s a chimp attack. Tomorrow, it could very well be a baby seal or a white fox that gnaws someone’s head off.

Misinformed Model

Would you be comfortable in your own skin if you were missing your head? Animals are not your friends. They are, however, delicious when cooked and cozy when worn.

This “Today Show” clip takes an in-depth look at the chimp that mauled Nash. This monkey knew what he was doing. Watch and learn:

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