I went out to dinner with friends last night and they insisted on taking me to a sushi restaurant. Like Toyota and homosexuals, eating sushi is a danger to the very fabric of American culture and not something I normally partake in. But, the economy is tough and you got to take your free dinners anywhere you can.

Now, yes, them Japs are friendly and polite when you walk into their establishments, but a smart American has got to ask, “What’s going on in the kitchen? What are those foreign fucks plotting back there?”

You gotta remember your history classes, people. We bombed those bastards … twice. Do you really think they care if you  have a delightful dining experience? Of course not! Those polite bastards are out for vengeance. They are going to nuke the shit out of your stomach.

Every year, millions of Americans get sick from eating poorly prepared sushi. It’s no accident, my friends.

But, let’s get one thing straight. As a whole, I love the Japanese people. They have earned my respect by bludgeoning dolphins to death off their coast lines. It’s those rogue sushi chefs that frighten me. They are in cahoots with the animals who want to kill us.

So, the next time you want to eat octopus, do like the I-talians do and fry it. Calamari never made anyone sick. For further encouragement, I have posted the following video: