An Ohio man harassed by a K-9 officer was arrested when he barked back at the police pooch. According to the dog’s handler Officer Bradley Walker, Ryan Stephens was standing two-inches away from his police car’s rear window barking and hissing at his partner Timber.

In his defense, Stephens told Officer Walker that:

He [Timber] started it. He was harassing me.

Stephens is now set to appear in municipal court on a misdemeanor citation of willfully teasing a police K-9 officer on April 21. Personally, this sounds like a trumped up charge. But, like they say, there’s nothing worse than a dog with a badge.

Giovani, a 6-year-old African tortoise, set fire to his owner’s third-floor New York City apartment. Authorities report that one firefighter and three police officers suffered from smoke inhalation while responding to the blaze.

Giovani executed the arson by knocking over his terrarium’s heat lamp while making his escape. The heat lamp broke when it hit the floor, igniting a pile of art supplies including thinner and paint. Fortunately, the fire only claimed the lives of Giovani and another turtle in a water tank.

Disturbing news from the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences journal. A study conducted at the Thai Elephant Conservation Center in Lampang, Thailand has revealed that these big ass Dumbos may not be all that dumb after all.

Twelve male and female elephants were observed in an experiment designed to gauge their intelligence and ability to cooperate  with each other to reach a common goal. The results have given animal scientists major hard-ons, but should serve as a warning to regular folks like us.

Sure, today they work together as a team to get some tasty corn. But, what happens when they set their sight on our land and our women? Be afraid, friends.

Check out the video:

What is the sound of one hand clapping? Tampa, Florida resident Joseph Cannistra almost found out when a five-foot gator ambushed him outside his Land O’ Lakes home. The 38-year-old expectant father and his girlfriend Tamara Smith had just returned from their coed baby shower, when the couple’s 2 1/2-year-old pitbull mix Zeus ran outside their home and into the backyard. It was past midnight so a concerned Cannistra foolishly stepped outside to retrieve his pet, clueless to the fact that his dog was setting him up.

Cannistra told the St. Petersburg Times:

I was clapping my hands. The second time I clapped, I couldn’t take my hands apart. The next thing I know, I was getting chomped. If it was someone with dandy hands, they would have been in trouble.

The attack injured several fingers on Cannistra’s left hand and took skin off his right. He received 34 stitches and bucket-loads of pain killers.

While it is possible that God is punishing Cannistra for living in sin with his knocked up girlfriend, chances are that residing in a home next to a large nature preserve was a disaster waiting to happen. No word yet on whether the couple is aware of Zeus’ role in the crime.