Every year, thousands of parents allow school teachers to take their children to aquariums to be brainwashed with propaganda about the wonders of ocean life. They will be mislead to believe that whales must be saved, that dolphins are as smart as humans, and that it is wrong to chop off a shark’s fins to make soup to enhance the libidos of Japanese men.

They will also be exposed to perverted animal behavior. Take a look at this walrus as it sucks itself shamelessly:

Parents, i beseech you to think twice before signing that field trip slip. Otherwise, you may one day walk in on your son blowing himself like there’s no tomorrow … unless he’s Japanese (they’re hung like gnats).