May 312011

Ducklings

A Chicago man was run over and killed on the Tri-State Tollway after attempting to aid a family of very cute and fuzzy ducklings cross the busy interstate. He was hit by a limousine.

The man, identified as 38-year-old Naperville resident Edward Gardner, was driving with a female companion when he spotted the adorable little quackers and figured he could lockdown some anal by rescuing them (At least, I hope that was the reason).

Gardner was rushed to the Advocate Lutheran General Hospital in Park Ridge where he was pronounced dead and most likely laughed at.

Popularity: 12%

May 282011

Black_Bear

A study published in the Journal of Wildlife Management reveals that fatal black bear attacks on humans have been on the rise since 1960 and have nothing to do with mama bears protecting their cubs from careless hikers as bleeding heart animal sympathizers would have you believe.

The truth is that 92 percent of deadly bear attacks were carried out by predatory lone males looking to feed on innocent, picnic-loving humans.

The study states:

Lone male black bears hunting people as a potential source of food are a greater cause of deadly maulings and related predatory attempts.

Popularity: 11%