An Ohio man harassed by a K-9 officer was arrested when he barked back at the police pooch. According to the dog’s handler Officer Bradley Walker, Ryan Stephens was standing two-inches away from his police car’s rear window barking and hissing at his partner Timber.

In his defense, Stephens told Officer Walker that:

He [Timber] started it. He was harassing me.

Stephens is now set to appear in municipal court on a misdemeanor citation of willfully teasing a police K-9 officer on April 21. Personally, this sounds like a trumped up charge. But, like they say, there’s nothing worse than a dog with a badge.

Popularity: 9%

GoDaddy.com CEO Bob Parsons has been getting a lot of grief from animal sympathizers over his recent elephant hunting expedition in the African  shithole country of Zimbabwe. A bull elephant responsible for destroying farmers’ crops was shot and killed by Parsons, who then posted video of his philanthropy online.

“America’s Got Talent” cohost Piers Morgan took time off from judging fire breathers and sword swallowers to attack Parsons for his actions. Parsons, however, does a great job of standing up to the self righteous wanker.

We applaud Mr. Parsons and hope he continues to slaughter those dumbos. As we reported before, studies have shown that elephants are quite capable of hatching evil plans against humans.

Check out the “interview”:

Popularity: 11%

Giovani, a 6-year-old African tortoise, set fire to his owner’s third-floor New York City apartment. Authorities report that one firefighter and three police officers suffered from smoke inhalation while responding to the blaze.

Giovani executed the arson by knocking over his terrarium’s heat lamp while making his escape. The heat lamp broke when it hit the floor, igniting a pile of art supplies including thinner and paint. Fortunately, the fire only claimed the lives of Giovani and another turtle in a water tank.

Popularity: 7%

Florida teen Kendrick Williams credits his baggy pants for saving his life from a vicious alligator attack earlier this week. The 17-year-old was walking home from work Monday evening when a seven-foot gator snapped at his leg.

Williams tells ABC Action News:

I heard the hiss, and then I looked down and I seen the alligator on the ground. I ran. I didn’t look back.

The gator’s teeth ripped into the fabric of Williams’ over-sized pants, allowing him to flee without so much as a scratch.

The boy’s mother Tanita Murray said:

That was the advantage of wearing baggy pants that day. It’s dangerous. If a toddler had been standing there, it (the alligator) would have bit his neck or head.

Indeed, it was lucky that Williams sags his pants. Now, he can die in a drive-by like a normal black boy his age.

Popularity: 14%

A fat Mexican was bitten by a baby bull shark he caught while crossing  the Rio Grande to get into Texas. OK, I made that last part up. You can thank me for the idea later, U.S. Border Patrol.

I’m kidding, of course. I’d rather live in a state overrun by Tejano music and street soccer than to see any human hurt by an animal.

Take a look at the vid:

Popularity: 25%