Jesse Browning may be a star on the History Channel’s “Ax Men” reality show, but he sure as fuck isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. The famous logger’s love for dangerous dogs has delivered a fatal blow to his family.

Browning lost his 4-year-old stepdaughter on Feb. 28 when she was mauled to death by his pet rottweiler Cornelia, a 3-year-old, 80-pound female, at their home in Astoria, Oregon.

Criminal charges were not filed against Browning, but Cornelia and a 17-month-old, 104-pound rottie named Junior were euthanized following a three week investigation.

Clatsop County Sheriff Tom Bergin said:

We couldn’t absolutely say [Junior] hadn’t been involved, so for the family and local rules and state rules everybody just figured that would be the best thing [safetywise] to do, so both were put down.

This isn’t the first time one of Brownings dogs has attacked someone. Four months ago, another of his rottweilers attacked a family member and was also put down. Time to get a cat, genius.

Popularity: 29%

Fishermen Steve McEwan, 50, and Craig Adams, 45, were nearly tossed into the St. Mary river at the Shady Camp barrage during a fishing expedition in the Northern Territory when a 13-foot salt water croc nearly jumped inside their boat while attempting to steal Adam’s 2-foot barramundi catch (See picture above).

Croc with barramundi bass

The Territory river is known for being home to the largest concentration of crocodiles, approximately 523 (as of 2007). Last year an 11-year-old girl was gobbled up by a saltie as she swam in the river with friends. Despite warnings,  tourists continue to swim and fish in the river.

Croc bait at Shady Camp barrage.

To read about more stupid tourists and Aussie crocs, go here.

Popularity: 26%

Lima, the 12-year-old Zebra that escaped from the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus in Atlanta back in February, was sentenced to death this month for its crimes.

The monumental decision angered enemy conspirator group PETA, but brought a sense of closure to the motorists trapped in rush hour traffic during the 40-minute chase that would end with Lima’s capture on the Downtown Connector.

While statistics have shown that African equids are euthanized more frequently than white equids in the States, I do feel justice was served fairly.

Popularity: 16%

Nearly 300 rare and exotic birds were unexpectedly fried on Friday morning when a fire broke out at the Gilcrease Nature Sanctuary in Las Vegas. The sanctuary, which has been around since the ’70s, is estimating its loss at $2 million.

Facility director Sandra Salinas said:

Oscar Gilcrease was actually here and he heard the fire and the popping noise and he ran out and he tried to contain the fire. They called the fire department, but the wind picked it up and moved from one building to another.

For those keeping score: Man + 300, Birds – 0.

Popularity: 14%

This is video from Scotland where a seagull named Sam has been seen shoplifting bags of Tangy Cheesy Doritos just about every day.

Check out the evidence:

This bird has got some gall. It knows that people will think its actions are cute and not seek out justice. But, just remember this: Tangy Cheesy Doritos = tangy, cheesy bird shit on your car.

Popularity: 16%