Enemy conspirators like PETA would have you believe that dogs are man’s best friends. But, would your best friend attempt to rape your grandmother? Even my worst buddies wouldn’t do such a horrendous thing. Hell, my friends won’t even open my fridge without asking for permission, let alone pound my granny.

The media loves to show dogs in a positive light—guiding the blind, catching a Frisbee, pulling a sled through an arctic blizzard. But, dog rape is something everyone keeps hidden in the closet. Don’t be a victim. If you must own a dog, chop its nuts off and beat it with a newspaper three times a day to keep it subdued.

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